“The Grave” by Lindsay G.

Compassion, empathy, love, support
You gave it all to me
It fed my soul
My emotions temporarily sated in the moment
You were the warm milk that soothed me to fall asleep
I knew you loved me then

Depression, anger, loneliness
You gave to all to me
It consumed my every being
Until I was left all alone
Depressed, I stood in the rain
But soon collapsed to my knees
Begging “please”
Soaked in the rain of
Tears
Regret
Guilt
Shame
Anger
The day you died…
I questioned your love

Murder, deceit, guilt
I was deceived
Your murder
Non-existent
The anger fought its way into my thoughts daily
I had not the energy to defend myself
Against the assault
I closed my eyes
Never forgetting the pain
I’m the house torn apart by the twister,
The one left behind
The last one standing
The one that would truly miss you
I hated you at that time
You told me I was the only one keeping you alive…
then why the suicide?
I thought to myself
You never loved me

Years go by without you
Despite the continuous anger,
The tears still bled freely
From my eyes,
My legs,
My arms
Something was missing
Someone was missing you

More years pass, by, as did possible childhood happiness
I continued to die inside
Physically punished
Mentally raped
But it turned into something new
Not of you
But of hate
For my every being
Every pore,
Bone,
Muscle,
And strand of hair
Deserved nothing
No joy
No hope
No life
NO CHOICE
I love you, and I forgive you

The rage against my self grows stronger
Although something is missing
And I am missing you
Like a desert craving rain
I’m hung low and dry
Wet eyes slowly dry
As another year goes by
I force myself to become numb and cold
Even just,
I still love you

Through the haze, hail, fog
And complete darkness
I trudge my way to your grave
I never came until now
I hope you can forgive me as I forgave you
I wrote a letter to leave upon your gravestone,
And placed a solid rock upon it to keep it company
I stare at the cold, hard dirt
Wishing
Wishing with all my heart
I could join you
But NO
I know you would rather see me fly in the clouds
Than be stuck underground

So I walked away
I looked back a few times
Tears resurfacing anew
But then I knew
I knew what you did wasn’t about me
I understand you now,
I know you still care, wherever you are
However
For always
And ever true
I will always love you,
Without guilt
Anger,
Or shame
Just know that at least I will be missing you,
Beyond your grave