as Julie trudged through the snow. She had left because no one was home. Her mom was at work, her dad was with some coworkers, and her sister was probably out with her boyfriend at some wonderful ice rink or whatnot.
Julie didn’t remember a Christmas where someone wasn’t gone. It weighed down her heart like it had been carved out of lead and stuck inside her chest.
An older college couple passed Julie laughing and giggling. They seemed so happy just to be together, not caring about the snow or the muddy streets, nothing could separate them.
Julie sighed and kept walking. She passed numerous stores that were still open with people who are getting last minute presents for loved ones. She finally came back to her neighborhood, walking down the never ending streets. She walked past an elderly couples house where they sat outside on a swing, holding hands. She stopped for a moment, examining them, wondering to herself what they were smiling and whispering about. The older lady caught sight of Julie and motioned her closer. Julie obliged, stepping down the pathway to the porch. The old lady smiled, “Little girl, why are you out here all alone in this kind of weather, especially on this special night?” Julie shrugged shyly, stuffing her hands in her pockets before speaking up, “I have nothing really better to do and a walk helps me clear my thoughts.”
The old lady watched in content, she stood up, flatting her ankle long skirt and went to the door. She turned back to Julie, “Well, can’t let you leave without something, now can I?” She quickly motioned for Julie to come in, holding the door behind her. The old man following quickly.
Julie stepped inside to the warm house, looking around at the old paintings and what not. There was a living room to the left with a giant, glowing Christmas tree in the corner near the lite fireplace. She walked slowly behind the old lady, not paying no mind to what she was rambling on about.
The old lady stepped into a large kitchen with cookies, gingerbread houses, and other sweets scattered across the table and counters. She reached up into a cabinet, pulling down a pack of hot chocolate. She put a kettle on the stove and poured the pack into a small tea cup.
Julie made herself at home, wondering around the decorated sweets, studying them. When the old lady pulled out a chair for herself, Julie did the same.
The kettle began to scream and the old lady rushed to the stove, quickly pulling it off and pouring the water into the cup. She grabbed a spoon and started to stir the hot chocolate. She set the cup and spoon in front of Julie with a gentle smile.
Julie took the cup and held it up to her lips, taking in the liquid slowly trying her best not to burn herself. She set the cup gingerly back on the table, saying to the old lady, “Thank you very much.”
The old lady smiled, “It is Christmas my dear, give and you shall receive. But I really don’t expect to receive anything from you, dear, just my act of kindness today.” Julie smiled wider and decided since no one was home at her house, she would stay her a little longer and talk to the old lady.
Ochigo carefully handed me a fuzzy blue solution. I took it and mixed it with the light red solution that was boiling over the beaker precariously placed over the burner. I tucked my hair behind my ears and sighed heavily.
The mixture turned a lavender color and the bubbles rushed to the top, popping at the surface. Tankai put three drops of a dark green liquid in the boiling purple solution. He pulled back abruptly and sucked in air through his teeth. I spun around, wondering what my friend had done to himself. “The steam caught my hand.” He rubbed his hand gently, still holding the empty dropper.
I rolled my eyes. “Gosh, Tankai. How many times have I told you not to hold your hand directly over something hot?” “Too many to count,” Ochigo cut in, securing his goggles. Tankai shrugged, putting the dropper aside and grabbing two pairs of safety goggles. He handed me a pair before putting on his own. I slid the band over my golden-brown hair and fixed them over my nose. Using rubber-coated tongs, I removed the small beaker from the flame and poured the purple liquid into another container that held a dark pink solution. My heart pounded and my stomach lurched. I realized too late that I had made a mistake. The compounds combined and made a small explosion. The glass container broke and the steaming solution spilled onto the floor. Ochigo and Tankai had smoke staining their faces. Ochigo coughed. I ripped off my goggles and plopped in a chair, burying my face in my hands. Ochigo quickly bordered the toxic chemicals with kitty litter to stop the spreading. Tankai sat beside me and rubbed my back lightly, trying to comfort me.
“Are you okay?” he asked. I shook my head, not bothering to look up from my hands. “It’s okay, Gwen,” Ochigo said while cleaning up the liquid. “It’s not the first time this has happened.” I lifted my head, not caring who saw the tears that lined my eyes. “But I thought we had it this time. I was so sure.” Tankai looked at me, sympathetically. “We’ll get it, Gwen. It just takes time.” “We don’t have time!” I snapped. Tankai flinched but he seemed to understand my anger. “Those people are barely hanging on as it is. If we don’t find a cure, they’ll die.”
Ochigo walked over and leaned against the wall, putting his hands deep in his pockets. “It’s pretty hard to fix what we don’t understand. We don’t even know where it came from.” I sniffled, fully aware that my eyes were puffy and my face was red. “We don’t need to. We know the effects; that’s all we need to know. I don’t want to let them die. I can’t.” Tears rolled down my face at the thought of losing my mother to the disease. I stood and grabbed my coat, wiping my eyes quickly. “Do you guys mind if I leave?” They shook their heads violently; they obviously understood that I needed to get home and relax. I smiled at their understanding; I felt lucky to have such great friends. Tankai ran after me and held the door open. I stepped outside, using the roof to cover myself from the heavy downpour of rain.
“Do you want me to walk you home?” he asked. I laughed lightly. Tankai was always offering to help me with the smallest things, even a walk home. “No, that’s okay. You better stay and help Ochigo clean up a little bit around here.” He lowered his head and nodded, knowing I was right but sad he couldn’t accompany me to my apartment. I smiled and stepped out into the rain. “I’m really sorry for leaving you guys like this.”
I had to shout so he could hear me over the pitter patter of water. Tankai dismissed me with his hand. “It’s no big deal. There’s not much to do and you deserve to go home. We’ll take care of it. But do me a favor.” I waited patiently for his favor. “Call me later, okay?” I shuffled my feet through a small puddle of water and chewed on my lower lip. “I will.” Tankai nodded and waved, going back inside to help Ochigo. I turned and started walking the six blocks to my home.
My long, brown leather coat draped down to the middle of my calves, but it didn’t have a hood, so my short brown hair clung to my wet face and neck as water ran off it in beads. The bottoms of my jeans were soaked and heavy. I just wanted to get inside and take a hot shower before changing into dry clothes. I stuck the key in the slot and turned the shining golden doorknob. The inside of my apartment was dark and quiet. I kicked off my dripping shoes and hung up my wet jacket to dry before running upstairs to my bedroom, blinded by darkness.
Grabbing a clean towel from the linen closet, I locked myself in the bathroom and began running myself some hot water. It was a relief getting out of those sopping wet clothes. When I caught my reflection in the mirror, I gasped at what I saw. My hair was matted down and very messy from being tousled around in the wind. My hazel eyes were red and struck with fatigue. My pale skin, normally smooth, was dry and irritated. I needed a deep-cleansing shower, a good meal, and a long sleep. In my determination to find a cure for the disease, I had forgotten to take care of myself. Steam curled over the shower curtain, fogging up the mirror and beckoning me to bask under the warm water.
I pulled back the dark brown plastic and let the liquid clear my mind and body of any stress. I smiled behind the droplets and closed my eyes, savoring the feeling.
The relaxation brought back clear memories of the past. My name is Gwendolyn; though I’ve never really liked my full name, so everyone calls me Gwen. I grew up an only child, living with my mother. My father was in the military. He was never really home, and we moved around a lot. Because we never stayed in the same city for more than a couple years, I didn’t make many friends. I wasn’t a very social child anyway; I was shy and insecure. I took the best interest in my studies. I excelled greatly in school. My teachers were always sad to hear that I was moving away. It was never a time I enjoyed either. I had a special liking for science in particular. No matter which school I went to at the time, it was always my favorite subject. I got a scholarship to a good college and majored in chemistry.
After I turned eighteen, I moved out of my mom’s house and in with my boyfriend at the time. Mom never really approved. She said it was a bad idea to move in with a guy I had only a temporary fling with; but I didn’t listen. After a couple months, we broke up and I was kicked out onto the street, forced to return to my mom’s. I refused to let the breakup or the fact that I lived with my mom interfere with my dreams of becoming a scientist. It took a year, but I finally did what I always wanted to do. Another year went by and I finally made it to the top with other chemists. That’s where I met Ochigo. Ochigo was my supervisor. He’s the one who showed me all the ropes when I first arrived. Ochigo had a normal family, but he hated them. Things only got worse for him after his sister died. Originally, his name was Ethan, but he changed it to Ochigo after he turned eighteen.
At first I thought maybe it for Witness Protection purposes, but he just said it was because he liked the name. Ochigo loves the Japanese culture. Tankai was new. He was assigned to my department and I was too shy to talk to him much. But he started ridiculous attempts to start a conversation with me. For example, he purposely knocked over a graduated cylinder and broke it, then disguised it as an accident, just to get my name. I thought it was cute. Tankai is half Japanese. His dad married a Japanese woman on vacation before bringing her back to the U.S. with him to start a family. But then his dad became an alcoholic and Tankai was on the run with his mom. After becoming somewhat successful, I moved into my own apartment in the middle of the city. I don’t have a car, or any fancy toys, but I’m fine with that. Tankai and Ochigo are my best friends, and the only ones I’ve had for a long time. Now I tremble at the thought of losing them.
About a month ago, a terrible disease hit the city. It spread so rapidly that we didn’t have time to analyze it. We don’t know where it came from, when it got here, or even how long it lasts in the body. But we do know the effects, and whatever it is, it’s dangerous. It seems the more your immune system tries to fight it, the stronger the sickness gets. At first you’re just weak with slight dizziness every once in a while. After a short period of time, your body wrinkles and your senses decrease severely. A little longer and the body distorts itself. It’s like it ages you, and then deforms you; and you become cannibalistic. We’ve figured out that it is spread through direct contact with blood, saliva, or mucus. Unfortunately, it spread through the states faster than we expected. Thousands have been laid-up in hospitals all over the country because of it. It’s even gotten my mother. Tankai, Ochigo, and I are the only ones still on the case. For months, we’ve been trying to find a cure for this infection, but no luck so far. I’m determined to find something that works before those people start attacking others. However, I know I’m running out of time, even if I don’t want to believe it. I pushed my hair back under the running water and turned the handle until the hot water stopped running down my body.
I pulled the curtain aside and wrapped the towel around me, carefully walking across the tile floor. I cautiously peeked out the door and streaked into my bedroom, shutting the door quickly. I lived alone, but I still didn’t feel comfortable being naked outside a locked door. My heart thrummed against my chest as I walked across the room to my dresser, shuffling through the drawers to find something to sleep in. “Do you need some privacy, Gwen?” A voice followed by hysterical laughter caused me to turn around, my guard up. My computer screen was split into two sections. Ochigo sat in a chair on one side, bedroom scenery in the background. Tankai occupied the other half, still laughing. I relaxed a little more, but my breathing was still shallow and raspy. I reached for a light blue robe that was hanging on a rack on the wall next to my closet. I had completely forgotten about video chat. I picked a dirty shirt up off the floor and tossed it over the camera set on top of my computer so the guys couldn’t see anything. While they were blinded, I dropped the towel and wrapped the robe around me. Once I was dressed, I uncovered the camera and sat in my chair, using the towel to dry my hair. “Way to ruin the show for us, Gwen!” Tankai cheered sarcastically. I stuck my tongue out to the camera. “I forgot you guys could see in my room, or I would’ve gotten dressed in the bathroom.”
We laughed for a moment before my mood turned somber again. “Sorry I left you two to clean up that mess all on your own.” “It wasn’t much,” Tankai reassured. “Ochigo had most of it cleaned up when I went back inside. I just helped him dispose of it all.” “Besides, you deserved to go home and relax,” Ochigo finished. I smiled my thanks to my friends. I tossed the damp towel on my bed and began running a green brush through my ratted hair. “Well you both are dressed rather oddly. What’s going on?” Tankai was wearing a sleeveless shirt and some light-colored shorts. His short, dark hair was spiked in the bangs, loose and wild in the back. Ochigo wore a tight black shirt that lined his six pack and some baggy jeans. His shaggy black hair had a wet look, like he had just taken a shower, and was hanging in his brown eyes. “What makes you think anything’s really going on?” Tankai teased. “What if we decided to dress like this just so we could watch you dress after your bath?” I narrowed my eyes at him but smiled, letting him know I was playing along. “There’s a party downtown,” Ochigo informed me. “We were going to go. You want to come along?” “Where’s it at?” I asked, trying to get all the details. “That Kitty Kat place,” Tankai said. I rolled my eyes at him.
“Why would you invite me to a strip club?” Tankai shrugged. “It’s at that new night club,” Ochigo stated. “Nocturnal.” I’d always thought that was a weird name for a club, but it worked because the club opened in the evening and closed at dawn. “I’ll get ready and meet you outside my house.” Ochigo nodded and his side of the screen blackened out, giving Tankai more space. “I have to pick up Ochigo first because he’s the closest, but then we’ll be at your house,” he said before logging off. I shuffled through my closet for something to wear. I wanted something sexy, but not too revealing. I wanted to look like a bad girl tonight. I wanted all eyes on me. I pulled out a dual-colored belly shirt. Half of it was yellow, the other was black, and Corona was written across the top, as well as the crown logo. It was a spaghetti strap so it showed off my arms, and my diamond bellybutton ring shined in the light. I slid on some hip-hugging jeans that rode dangerously low. The tight outfit combined perfectly with my hourglass figure. I straightened my hair then curled it a little so the ends flipped up, but only slightly. I outlined my hazel eyes with black eyeliner and added some color; they shined with excitement when I admired my work in the mirror.
As a finishing touch, I slid some silver sparkles down strands of hair. The metallic silver glowed magnificently when the light hit it just right. About twenty minutes after talking to him, Tenkai pulled into my driveway and honked impatiently. I grabbed my house keys off the counter and ran to his car. It was a custom made car. His uncle had put it together for him and gave it to him as a birthday present. The dark blue body shimmered in the moonlight and made the ghost flames on the side appear to be moving. I slid into the back seat, loving the way the leather interior felt against my bare lower back. Tankai looked at me in the rearview mirror and wolf-whistled. “You’re looking good, Gwen. Will you be my date for the night?” “In your dreams, Tankai,” I laughed. “Only his wet ones,” Ochigo teased. “Hey! I don’t have those dreams anymore,” Tankai played along. “Until tonight, damn girl!” I smiled, wishing I could control the blush rising to my cheeks. “Tankai, just drive,” Ochigo demanded. Tankai put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. Once on the street, he turned on the stereo and the car vibrated with techno music. My head began bobbing to the beat.
When I first met Tankai, I thought his taste in music sucked. No one listens to techno anymore; it’s all hip-hop. But after you listen to it a couple times, it really grows on you. It’s actually become one of my favorite genres to listen to. Ochigo’s fingers moved with the rhythm and Tankai mouthed the words to the song. It had taken me months to get Tankai to sing for me. He was convinced he had a terrible singing voice, but one night when I was really upset, he sang. He only does it on rare occasions now, but I’m satisfied with that. I’m pretty self conscious about singing as well, about anything. I don’t have very much self-esteem. We parked across the street from the club and watched the long line of people waiting to get in. “This is going to take forever,” Ochigo groaned.
Compassion, empathy, love, support
You gave it all to me
It fed my soul
My emotions temporarily sated in the moment
You were the warm milk that soothed me to fall asleep
I knew you loved me then
Depression, anger, loneliness
You gave to all to me
It consumed my every being
Until I was left all alone
Depressed, I stood in the rain
But soon collapsed to my knees
Begging “please”
Soaked in the rain of
Tears
Regret
Guilt
Shame
Anger
The day you died…
I questioned your love
Murder, deceit, guilt
I was deceived
Your murder
Non-existent
The anger fought its way into my thoughts daily
I had not the energy to defend myself
Against the assault
I closed my eyes
Never forgetting the pain
I’m the house torn apart by the twister,
The one left behind
The last one standing
The one that would truly miss you
I hated you at that time
You told me I was the only one keeping you alive…
then why the suicide?
I thought to myself
You never loved me
Years go by without you
Despite the continuous anger,
The tears still bled freely
From my eyes,
My legs,
My arms
Something was missing
Someone was missing you
More years pass, by, as did possible childhood happiness
I continued to die inside
Physically punished
Mentally raped
But it turned into something new
Not of you
But of hate
For my every being
Every pore,
Bone,
Muscle,
And strand of hair
Deserved nothing
No joy
No hope
No life
NO CHOICE
I love you, and I forgive you
The rage against my self grows stronger
Although something is missing
And I am missing you
Like a desert craving rain
I’m hung low and dry
Wet eyes slowly dry
As another year goes by
I force myself to become numb and cold
Even just,
I still love you
Through the haze, hail, fog
And complete darkness
I trudge my way to your grave
I never came until now
I hope you can forgive me as I forgave you
I wrote a letter to leave upon your gravestone,
And placed a solid rock upon it to keep it company
I stare at the cold, hard dirt
Wishing
Wishing with all my heart
I could join you
But NO
I know you would rather see me fly in the clouds
Than be stuck underground
So I walked away
I looked back a few times
Tears resurfacing anew
But then I knew
I knew what you did wasn’t about me
I understand you now,
I know you still care, wherever you are
However
For always
And ever true
I will always love you,
Without guilt
Anger,
Or shame
Just know that at least I will be missing you,
Beyond your grave
SZ Model Maria Katerina as Madison Taylor (Click pics for bio)
“Are you guys coming?!” Madison Taylor was seventeen years old and had just graduated high school. School was out and the summer was hers to enjoy before her new life would begin. She was going to attend college in the fall, but was still unsure of what she wanted to become, or what classes she wanted to take. For this reason, she thought about dropping out of school altogether and finding a job she loved. Either way, it was summer, and Madison just wanted a break from her years of studying, and have some real fun. She just called out to her sisters Emma and Hanna to get in her car. Emma was 15 and Hanna was 21. The three were going to thier parents’ cabin near Lake Eerie for a week.
“Hold on, Mady! We’re coming, we just gotta pack the food!”, yelled Emma. Hanna came out of the house. “Wow, cute outfit!”, said Hanna. She told Madison to sit in front of her car so she could snap a picture and add it to the summer album they were going to make.
Finally, Emma came outside with the food in the cooler: potato salad, chips, hot dogs and marshmallows to roast, sandwiches, and a few drinks. “OK let’s go have some fun!” she said. “This is gonna be so cool” said Madison as she got in the driver seat. Hanna called shotgun and jumped in the front, while Emma slid in the back with the food.
Four hours after a long, exhausting drive, they finally pulled up at the cabin. “Uh, I think this place has been broken into..” said Madison, “Look, the window is broken and the screen door is flapping open and shut!”
“Should we go check?” asked Hanna. “I don’t know, maybe we should… I’m just kind of scared. I dunno about you guys, but my phone doesn’t have any service out here…” replied Madison. The other girls checked their phones and agreed that they didn’t have service either.
“We’ll, I’m not afraid of anything.” exclaimed Emma. “I’m going in.”
Emma walked straight up to the cabin and peeked through the window. Then, she went over to the door and pushed it open. “Uhh, you guys should come see this.” She said. Hanna and Madison slowly and cautiously crept over to Emma.
“Oh my goodness!” Cried Madison as she covered her mouth trying not to laugh…
There were raccoons sitting on the kitchen table!
“How are we gonna get them out??” asked Emma. “I don’t know… let’s just keep the door wide open and scare them out I guess.” Said Madison.
So the girls did just that. They opened the door all the way and hid behind the wall where they banged and made a whole bunch of noise. The raccoons darted out of the cabin. As the girls laughed, they went in the cabin. The sun was beginning to set and they wanted to hit the beach before sundown. But first they had to fix the broken window. Hannah swept the floor while Emma and Madison taped some cardboard over the broken window. “There! All fixed. Now let’s go swimming!” screeched Madison. The girls took turns changing into their bathing suits in the bathroom.
After they had all changed, they headed towards the beach. A little ways down the road, Emma snapped a picture of Hanna with the gorgeous town scenery in the background.
The girls walked for about a mile. Once they got to a very wooded and secluded area, with nothing but trees and a path cleared out which led to the beach, some guy was trying to sell these ridiculous moose hats. “Get your moose hats heeere! Only $25!” The girls ignored him but he kept following them and yelling, “Get your moose hats heeere! Only $25!” and “Hello Ladies! Would you like a moose hat?!” The girls just kept walking but he literally followed them for 3 minutes straight. Finally, Emma turned around and said politely, “No thank you. We don’t want or need moose hats”. “They’re very fashionable!” the guy replied. He grinned, showing off his yellow and black teeth. “No thanks, we don’t even have any money on us.. we’re going swimming.” Said Hannah. Finally the guy stopped following them but he stood on the path and watched them walk away. “What a creep.” said Madison. “Why is he standing in the middle of nowhere trying to sell moose hats anyways?” asked Emma. The three shrugged it off.
They finally arrived at the beach which was packed full of people, and very cute guys. “Let’s go talk to some hotties!” Said Hanna. “Nah, lets let them come to us” said Emma. Madison layed out her beach towel and said “Good idea.” The girls layed out on the sand and admired the beautiful view.
After laying on the beach for only ten minutes, the sky got really cloudy. “Yeah, I think it’s going to rain.” Sighed Madison as she rolled over. “I think so too. We better get going.” Said Emma. The girls got their things together and started walking back to their cabin.
As soon as they left the beach area, it started to drizzle. “Let’s run for a little bit!” shouted Hanna. The girls started running but, being a little out of shape from being stuck in school all year really tired them out. So they had to slow their pace a little.
The sun was now almost fully set and the rain was pouring down fast. “Woo-hoo!” screeched Madison as she twirled around in the rain. “Watch out..” Hanna started to say “ooooo” the girls said as Madison crashed into that guy selling moose hats in the middle of the forest. “Sorry!” She said. “Why are you standing in the middle of nowhere in the rain and in the dark, anyways?” asked Emma. The girls didn’t stop to talk, they just kept walking but faced his direction. “Don’t ask.” He said. The girls turned around without a word. “Don’t ask!” the guy yelled louder. “We didn’t ask” Madison quietly said to her sisters, giggling. “I like the forest people better I guess!” The guy yelled. The girls giggled a little and forced themselves to run back to the cabin.
“That was such a weird guy” said Emma as they got inside their cabin and closed the door. “Yeah, he totally was weird. Don’t ask? He told us not to ask like 3 times” Madison laughed out loud. The girls decided to make themselves each a big salad and a turkey burger for dinner.
After eating their delicious meals, they played a few board games. Monopoly, MadLibs, and scrabble. They lounged around and listened to the rain gently pour down. The cardboard they put up in the window was surprisingly strong and the rain didn’t bother it because of how the roof was shaped. The girls talked about how nice it was to have a break from school and work, and just be free for once.
Although they never found out why there was some weird guy standing in the middle of the woods trying to sell moose hats, they still had a great time -going to the beach everyday, swimming, playing games, cooking over an open fire or on the grill, and once in a while, feeding the raccoons who would often come by to search for food at their cabin.
By: Nichole Miranda, Dubai, UAE
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